ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
