The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
