i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
