Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Your cock deserves a montage
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
