I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
