that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
