The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
