you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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