I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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