I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
