He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
