you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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