I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Moan for me like Helen Keller
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
