You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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