I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
