i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
