she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
