i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
