Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
