Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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