Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
