Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
