I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
