new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
