I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
