What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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