mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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