i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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