I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
