Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
