i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize