I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Someone shit on the floor
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
