I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you would pick up someone in the library
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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