I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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