I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize