C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
