she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
