did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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