Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize