Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Your cock deserves a montage
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
