I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
