If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
