going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize