i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
