i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
