he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I had to cum in my sink.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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