Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
