I wish you could order shots online.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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