Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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