He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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