dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
