Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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