i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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