we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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