she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Blood and glitter go together right?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
