Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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