FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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