Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
