I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
