Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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