Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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