i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dignity is for republicans.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
