im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
