On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
