I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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