Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I FOUND THE LEGS
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
