I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
