Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My life is pants optional.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
