the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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