Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i already hear my dad disowning me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
